


I want you to stay

by Froschkoenig



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Adventure, F/F, Not Canon Compliant, lexa is in danger, octavia comes to the rescue, octavia is a grounder now, the gorilla is back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 00:58:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4857137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Froschkoenig/pseuds/Froschkoenig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>„Ai leik Okteivia kom Trikru“, Octavia said, looking confidently at the two guards in front of the gate. „Heda sends me, I am here to help.“</p>
<p>Octavia feels some sad feels. Also, she has a mission - kill the gorilla. Lexa is the back-up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I want you to stay

**Author's Note:**

> Another The100 story. I just love this fandom and all the girls in it... ;) Also, I think there are not enough Lexa/Octavia storys. Sure, Clexa is hot, but to be honest, Octavia would be a better match for Lexa in terms of both being grounders and all.  
> Hope you enjoy! :)

# I want you to stay

„Ai leik Okteivia kom Trikru“, Octavia said, looking confidently at the two guards in front of the gate. „Heda sends me, I am here to help.“

They nodded their heads and let her and two of her warriors pass, the other two would stay outside, keeping watch. Octavia went inside the little village, she had never been here before, but they mostly looked the same. The Chief of this particular village was already waiting in front of a little hut, and he nodded at Octavia. He had sent for help, but had not been clear about what they needed help with. Lexa had been frustrated about this, but she had sent Octavia and her four men anyway. 

She greeted the Chief with respect and sat down at his war table. They exchanged the lastest news of the 12 clans, when at last Octavia asked why they needed help in the first place.

„It's the gorilla“, he stated finally, and Octavia only looked at him stunned. 

„Are you serious?“

He nodded. „I am. It's been attacking out village for 3 weeks now, we lost more than 10 people. So we need your help.“

Octavia only shook her head. „Why didn't you tell Le- Heda? She would have sent enough people to deal with this. I just brought four warriors, that's not enough.“ Exasperated, she stood, already planning in her head what she had to do next. First, she told her fastest warrior to go back home and tell Lexa what Octavia had found out, and that they needed backup. Then she had to find out where exactly the animal lived and how the attacks had happend.

She sighed. This would be one long day. The war was over now, but there was still danger out there, and this village needed help. She just wished the Chief would have been straight forward and told them what was happening here. This was a waste of time. But then again, it wasn't like she had anything better to do. She wasn't Indra's second anymore – and after a few months of hard work she now was a very low ranking officer who had her own team of four warriors. Lexa trusted her as much as she would ever trust anyone, so she wouldn't complain.

She was one of them now. One of the tree people.

Even months after the final battle with the Mountain Men, that thought still made her smile. It was a sad smile though, because it had cost her so much to finally belong somewhere. She had left Camp Jaha just hours after they had come back from Mount Weather, going to TonDC and begging Indra and Lexa to take her back. Indra wasn't the forgiving type, and Octavia had disobeyed a direct order from her, so she would take none of it.

But Lexa had looked at her. Her mask of indifference wavered just for a second, and then she had nodded at Octavia. „You will be a warrior. You will live with the others to be trained. It will be hard.“ That had been all, and after that, her training had begun. It was the hardest thing Octavia had ever done. She had only slept five hours each night and trained all day with the other warriors-to-be, mostly much younger than she was. 

At the same time she taught herself Trigedasleng, with little help from her fellow trainees. They mistrusted her, but she worked hard and never gave up. 

In the end, she succeeded.

She was a fully trained warrior now. She was fluent in the language of the tree people, and she belonged to them. She had her own tiny hut in TonDC, and she was content for now.

Licking her lips, Octavia stepped out of the Chief's tent and got to work.

*

Octavia didn't think about the future anymore. Back when she was living under the floor, she always imagined a perfect life for herself, but by now she knew that life wasn't a fairytale and nobody would come and safe her.

She was her own savior. 

She was a warrior now.

Octavia did think about the past though. Not much, because it was sad and it hurt too much. She needed to be focused and do a good job to keep this life, even though this meant to leave the past behind.

Still, she couldn't help but think about the past sometimes. Think about the people she knew and the Ark and everything good that had happened to her.

She tried not to think about how everything went wrong at some point or another, and how the little girl that came down in the dropship only a few months ago now was a warrior, a grown-up, a murderer.

They had sent them down here to die, but the only thing that had died were their souls. They were broken and Octavia didn't think they could be repaired or mended. Maybe with time... but not all of them.

Octavia swallowed hard and focussed on the task at hand, planning the attack on the beast. She was sitting in the Chief's hut, looking at a map of the area. There was a river close by and some steeper valleys that had to be kept in mind, but otherwise the plan was easy: go in, kill the gorilla, leave.

The only thing to do now was wait for the backup to arrive, they should be here soon since the village was only half a day's walk from TonDC. Rubbing her eyes Octavia's mind went back to her friends. She didn't want to think about them, especially not now, but she had learned that grief was part of her life now, and so was hurt, and ignoring it would probably do her no good. She had tried that, and it had resulted in a flashback in the middle of a training fight – which she lost badly, of course.

By now, she knew the routine of her thoughts: pain, so much pain. Love and deep friendship. Rage, despair. Helplessness. More rage and so much more pain. Lonelyness. Regret.

She thought about what happened at Mount Weather. About them killing 300 people. Executing them. It had been genocide.

Octavia knew, deep down, that it had been necessary. She knew that it had to be done to make sure her people were safe, Arkers and Grounders. 

But she also hated it with every single cell of her body. She hated that this new life of hers, this truce, this alliance, this new world for the sky people had to be founded on the deaths of innocent people.

And some part of her hated them for it. Hated Clarke and Lexa and Bellamy for the decision they had made to safe their people. 

To safe her.

She resented it so much that at one point, she didn't think she could live with the guilt. The thought that she got to live while others had died.

She didn't like the Mountain men. They had taken everything from her. Lincoln, her friends. Her sanity. 

Before they had slaughtered them, she really did want them to die.

But now, the only thing she could hold on to was her own guilt, and that included the killing of those people. She had nothing else except this guilt, this knowledge that she had failed.

That's what made her keep going though too. The unbearable thought to waste this sacrifice, even though she hated to call this massacre a sacrifice. 

She worked hard and she lived on, because others couldn't. She had lost too much to lose herself too.

Closing her eyes she tried – and failed – not to think of those she lost who weren't even really gone.

Clarke's face appeard in front of her inner eye first. Clarke had left only hours after the battle, she couldn't live with herself and certainly not with either sky nor tree people. So she had left and nobody had heard from her since. Octavia didn't even know if she was still alive. She missed her, but at the same time she was glad that she didn't have to look Clarke in the eyes. Because she still hadn't forgiven her for the missile on TonDC, not even to mention Mount Weather.

Thinking about Monty, Jasper and Raven wasn't as hard. Jasper was still grieving Maya, in fact he still visited her grave every day, at least that's what Monty had told her. Jasper had not forgiven his best friend for helping to kill the one girl he ever really loved. He spent his time at Camp Jaha, barely talking, nothing left of the funny friend they all had liked to much.

Monty himself had changed as well, but he was still Octavia's friend. He couldn't take Jaspers pain and his guilt, so he followed Octavia to the grounders and actually worked on planned agriculture rather than his beloved computers. They didn't see each other often, but Monty was one of the only things in Octavia's life that felt familiar and normal. 

Raven was also still in the picture, but she wasn't the Raven Octavia had met when they first came down to earth. Raven buried herself in work, the usual sassy and outgoing girl had vanished with Finn's corpse months earlier, and she had never coped with the loss of the only person she called family. Whenever Octavia met her, she was quiet and reserved, something Octavia herself couldn't stand. She had screamed at her the very first time this happened, Raven just blankly staring at her, all life and happiness gone from her eyes.  
Since then, Octavia tried to avoid her former friend, even though it hurt.

Lincoln didn't hurt as much as it did before, but only because she was still so angry at him. He lived with a different clan now, so they barely saw each other, but still she couldn't forgive him for one, endangering Bellamy, and two, being a drug addict. Deep inside she knew that it wasn't his fault, but he had betrayed her trust and love when he chose the Red over her and their people. She wanted him to be safe and sound, but she could not be close to him, not now.

Bellamy hurt the most. He was still there, living with the other Arkers. People left him alone, because they, just as Octavia, couldn't bear his sight: he was just a broken boy beyond repair. He usually drank too much in the mornings, which made him miserable later on in the day. People tended to avoid him and his slurred swear words. Sometimes he was found crying outside of the drop ship, begging for it all to just be a dream. Octavia felt numb thinking about her brother, the person she loved most in this world. Sometimes she wondered if all of this had never happened if she had never been born. Other times she just wished Clarke would come back and take Bellamy with her. Somehow she was sure that they would be able to heal each other's wounds... or at least they could live together in misery.   
Because she couldn't be there for Bellamy herself. She couldn't look at that fragile little thing, crying his eyes out, always so scared of everything around him. She didn't want to see the person her strong and brave brother had become.

*

When back-up finally arrived, Octavia was surprised to see that Lexa herself had come.

„Heda“, she greeted her with an unsure smile.

„Hello Octavia. When I heard that this was all about the ape I decided to take matters in my own hands. This threat has to go.“ Her voice didn't show any emotion, but Octavia knew that Lexa was worried. She also knew that Lexa was quite annoyed by the Chief of this village.

„This is not how things are done here“, she said, turning to the man. „Next time I wish for you to speak with candor. No more lies, this could have ended badly.“ 

„But Heda-“

Lexa only shook her head. „Enough.“ The Chief fell silent at once. 

„Octavia, come with me“, Lexa said finally, ignoring the red face of the man. She left the tent and went outside to her horse. „I brought 50 warriors. I already sent out scouts and trackers to find out where exactly the animal lives and sleeps. We're going to attack tomorrow night. Now we're going to rest.“

Octavia simply nodded. She wasn't that tired, but she wouldn't disobey. Not to Lexa, for she was way too important to Octavia. Lexa valued Octavia as a warrior, and Octavia trusted her with her life. 

„Okay, Heda. Thank you for coming.“ She smiled softly at Lexa, still not entirely sure if they could be friends even though Lexa was her Commander. Lexa looked at her, a small smile playing on her lips. „Of course. Sleep well, Octavia.“ She clasped Octavias hand in hers for a second, then she left for her tent.

Octavia exhaled slowly and watched Lexa go. Then she shook her head and made her way to the outskirts of the village where the other warriors already had made camp. She lay down and looked at the stars for a few moments, enjoying the whispers and warmth of the people around her.  
In the end, she fell into a deep sleep, not bothered by any bad dreams or memories.

*

They had attacked, but it somehow had gone wrong.

„Octavia, run!“ Indra yelled at her, pushing her when she didn't move immediately. 

„What's happening? Where is Lexa?“

Indra didn't reply, her face a mixture of pain and deep, cold anger. „Move!“

Octavia ran with her through the bushes, away from the living grounds of the gorilla. They had attacked the beast, but they didn't have any guns, and even to throw a spear you had to get dangerously close. 

It was dark, and most warriors didn't know these woods very well. They had been afraid of the ape for a long time now, so they avoided its hunting and living spaces. Right after the first spear had hit home, there had been screams and then chaos. Octavia hadn't known what to do, how to react. She was far to new to this. But then Indra had found her and made her leave. 

Without her warriors. 

Without Lexa.

„Stop!“, Octavia called out, pulling at Indras shirt. The older woman knocked her hand away. 

„We have to leave, now. Stay and you'll die.“

„But where's Lexa? Is she safe?“

Indra shook her head, her face emotionless. „She can't be saved.“

„Wha- where is she? We have to try!“

„Don't be foolish, child.“ Indra looked at her, angry. „I am leaving now, and if you know what's best for you, you come with me.“

Octavia shook her head. „I can't. I have to try and find her.“

Indra snorted and spat at the floor. Then, without another word, she turned around and started running again. 

Octavia didn't lose any time. She knew she was stupid to try, but she could hear the roaring of the beast and the screams of men, dying. She couldn't let that happen to Lexa.  
Not only because she was loyal to her Commander, but also because she was deeply grateful to Lexa for taking her in. For giving her a place to live and sleep and learn. A new home.

She started running, not directly to the source of the screaming, but slightly around it. She saw warriors lying on the ground, some dead, some seriously hurt. 50 hadn't be enough, she thought. The lights of their torches were dim, and the moon not very bright, so she had to thread carefully.

Just when Octavia thought she was running in circles, she could hear the grunting of the gorilla, moving away from her. She hadn't been the best during stealth training, but she followed anyway. 

The ape seemed to be looking for something, for it passed its sleeping space, an old ruin, and went further north. Octavia was frightened, but she also didn't have anything to lose. She wouldn't leave anyone to die if she could help. 

When the gorilla finally stopped, 50 feet in front of her, she knew what it had been looking for. There, at the cliff, stood Lexa. She was still alive, but she was bleeding. Roaring, the gorilla got up on its hind legs and started beating its chest ferociously.

Octavia could see Lexa wince. The Commander looked young and scared at this moment, and Octavia knew she had to do something.

She had studied all the available maps of this area, and she knew that a fall from this cliff was not survivable. Which was good or bad, depending on one's point of view. 

Breathing deeply, Octavia stepped out of the shrubs. „Hey!“, she yelled, adrenaline surging through her body. In the corner of her eye she could see Lexa looking at hear like she was mad.

Well, she probably was.

„Hey, you fucking monster. I'm talking to you!“

The gorilla turned to her, and it was done playing now. Octavia could see it getting ready to jump at her. 

Slowly, carefully, she moved to the side of the cliff. „Come and get me!“, she said, grinning like a maniac. Just as the gorilla started running, getting ready to tear her to pieces, she ducked in the small notch at the very edge of the cliff. The gorilla tried so stop, but its feet couldn't find hold on the rocky stone and it slithered into the abyss, limbs trashing around and howling in rage.

Octavia took a few seconds before she could get up. This was by far the most stupid thing she had ever done. But it had worked.

She climbed out of the notch that saved her life and looked over at Lexa, who hadn't moved an inch.

„Hey Heda...“, she said, laughing a little crazy.

„You... you almost got yourself killed...“, Lexa stammered, her voice half relieved and half angry. „What the fuck were you thinking?“

Octavia went to her Commander, grinning widely. „Oh, swearwords... Never thought I'd see that happen.“

Lexa rolled her eyes. „This is not funny, Octavia.“

Octavia sighted. „Sorry, Heda, but I couldn't let you die...“

For a second there, Octavia thought Lexa would hit her, but then her expression grew softer. It seemed like she didn't expect anyone to ever say something like this to her. Lexa didn't need saving, Octavia knew that.

But Octavia couldn't lose Lexa at any cost. She couldn't lose any more people important to her.

Lexa slowly straightened up her clothing, putting her sword back in its sheath. She started walking back to camp, favoring her left leg.

„Are you alright, Lexa?“, Octavia asked softly, following her leader.

Lexa just looked at her and continued walking. „You shouldn't have done this.“

Octavia bit her lip and rubbed her arms as if she was cold.

„Is there... are there going to be consequences? I mean...“ She swallowed hard. „Are you going to kick me out?“

Lexa turned around swiftly, stopping in her steps. „What?“

„I'm just thinking. Indra told me to run. I disobeyed again. You know, being stupid and all...“ Octavias words were quiet and uncertain.

Lexa sighed and stepped closer. „Octavia, I'm not going to kick you out. You saved my life.“ 

Her voice was soft and kind, which made Octavia look up at her. „Are you sure about this?“

Lexa nodded firmly. „I am. If anything, you get a promotion.“

Octavia smiled relieved. „I don't want any promotion. I just... I wouldn't know what to do if I had to leave TonDC, you know?“

Nodding, Lexa leaned against a nearby tree, exhausted. „You're one of us now, you know that, right?“

„I do. It's just hard. This feels so good. I finally belong somewhere, and I could lose it any second...“ She shook her head. „Sorry. I'm going to shut up now.“

Lexa didn't actually have time for this kind of thing with most of her warriors, but Octavia had always be different. Stubborn and strong and brave and stupid. And she never gave up, that was something Lexa could admire, and over time she had started liking Octavia for what she was.

„Your self-worth shouldn't depend on anyone else, Octavia“, Lexa told her gently, taking her hand in her own.

„But it does.“ Octavia felt ridiculous. She didn't need comfort and she definitely didn't need to cry in front of her Heda. „I just want to belong, and I know your people don't really want me there, but I can't go back to the Arkers... I've never belonged there, I was never wanted by anyone...“ Her last words were only whispered, but Lexa heard them anyway. She pulled the other girl into her arms and held her.

„I want you to stay, okay?“, she murmured in Octavia's hair, holding her close. „You are one of the tree people now. You belong to us now. To me...“

Hesitating, not sure if she had read all the signs wrong, Lexa leaned back and looked Octavia in the eyes, only barely able to make out their color. The sun was rising now, and in the eerie light of this victorious early morning, she kissed her softly on the lips.

The kiss only lasted for a few precious seconds, before Lexa stepped back.

„Don't“, Octavia said, breathlessly. „Please don't leave.“

„You want me to stay? After... after that?“ Lexa seemed surprised.

Octavia nodded. „Yeah... I want this.. if you'll have me, Heda...“ She licked her lips and looked at Lexa, desperate and hungry and so very loving Lexa's breath stopped fo a second.

She rested one hand on Octavias cheek, stroking it affectionately, before she kissed her again. Deeper this time, passionately.

„You're mine now, Octeivia kom trikru.“


End file.
